Surfing Thru "The Sopranos"

It wasn't the train wreck of other recent episodes. And with Christopher falling off the wagon and Paulie reuniting with his adoptive mother, I suppose I shouldn't claim that nothing happened. But nothing happened. The show seemed to meander along, with Tony and Christopher reminiscing over old times, the dull equipment failure at the street fair and other events that have already slipped my mind. So it wasn't "bad." Just boring.

"Stalin's World" Theme Park A Hit

In Lithuania, a man who made his fortune exporting mushrooms to the West has opened up a theme park nicknamed Stalin's World. It recreates the feeling of a Soviet-era gulag, complete with guard towers, glowering statues of Stalin, paintings and the like. Once you get bored with them, there's also a merry-go-round and a small zoo. "Kids love it," says the park's creator. My brother Chris says with the success of this venture, he's more hopeful than ever about getting backers for his Black Plague vacation resort.

"Doctor Who" Wins Best Drama In UK

The BAFTA Awards -- the UK equivalent to the Emmys -- were held last night and they were a very British affair indeed. "Doctor Who" won best drama and a viewers' award. The political satire "The Thick of It" won best comedy. And Simon Cowell's "The X Factor" (his Uk spin on "American Idol") won best reality show. The frantically directed "Bleak House" won best miniseries. But what made the night so very British was how everyone kept apologizing for winning. TV host Jonathan Ross won best host but felt bad because everyone expected "Deal Or No Deal" Noel Edmonds to win for his comeback on that game show. And Anna Maxwell Martin won for "Bleak House" but felt bad because she thought it should have been her costar Gillian Anderson. No American has ever felt bad for winning any award ever.

Apple Computers Isn't In The Music Business?

The Beatles company Apple Corp lost its lawsuit against Apple Computers. In letting Apple Computers play off their iconic logo, the Beatles made Apple agree to stay out of the music business. A British court ruled that Apple had abided by that decision -- despite iTunes being the #1 online music store in the world that recently sold its one billionth song. the comuter folk argued that iTunes is just a "data transmission service." I don't want to get all legal on you, but the name of the company is iTUNES. They sell music. Maybe it's the difference between owning a record label and just selling the CDs, but if Apple opened a chain of record stores, surely they'd be violating the agreement. How is iTunes any different? The Beatles are appealing.

Disney Ends Ties To McDonald's

Wow. Disney is walking away from its long-term promotional tie-ins to McDonald's and their Happy Meals. This means Disney is leaving on the table some $1 billion in payments and -- especially -- the marketing muscle of McDonald's, which assured that every time a Disney animated movie was coming out that kids were reminded of that fact some ten zillion times via TV commercials, posters, toys, games and more. When DEisney can end its ties to McDonald's because of fears of being linked to childhood obesity, that's a major change in both how kid movies are marketed and America's attitude to junk food.

Are Catholic Church Leaders Taking A Cue From Scientology

Another Catholic Cardinal has moronically spoken out against the silly piece of fiction known as The Da Vinci Code. Their stupidity in giving credence to the anything-goes conspiracy theories that pepper the book is really breathtaking. And this cardinal -- Francis Arinze of Nigeria -- was one of the preferiti, one of the frontrunners for Pope. "There are some other religions which if you insult their founder they will not be just talking," said Arinze. The Cardinal apparently was suggesting Catholics sue the filmmakers, which is both idiotic and a waste of money, since obviously there is no case. (That would make the Catholic Church akin to Scientology, which sues at the drop of a hat.) But given the worldwide riots sparked -- in part -- by Danish political cartoons of the Prophet -- I think Arinze's remarks that other religions don't "just talk" are much darker and more controversial and offensive.

Weekend Box Office

Here are the final figures. In the posting below, you can read my explanation for why people are jumping the gun -- to say the least -- when they say "MI:III's" opening is a bomb. It's a SEQUEL folks -- nine times out of ten they cost more and make less. (By the way, worldwide it made $118 mil, more than the first two.) "United 93" dropped by more than 50% -- not because the movie had bad word of mouth, but ebcause it had good word of mouth. Everyone agreed it was wrenching. $20 mil is a good number for such a sober, small film with no stars, but I think they would have done better to open in February, before the summer mvoie season. In limited release, "Art School Confidential" and "Down in the Valley" both did okay. And "Thank You For Smoking" hit $20 million -- I was wrong about that one; I never thought it would have legs.

1. Mission: Impossible III -- $48
2. RV -- $11.1 mil ($31 mil total)
3. An American Haunting -- $6.4 mil
4. Stick It -- $5.5 mil ($18 mil)
5. United 93 -- $5.2 mil ($20.1 mil)
6. Ice Age 2 -- $4 mil ($183.3 mil)
7. Silent Hill -- $3.9 mil ($40.8)
8. Scary Movie 4 - $3.7 mil ($83.7 mil)
9.(tie) Akeelah and the Bee -- $3.4 mil ($10.7 mil)
9. (tie)Hoot -- $3.4 mil

"M:I:III" Takes In $45 Mil! Tom Cruise's Career Is Over!!

Tom Cruise's new movie "M:I:III" took in $45 mil over the weekend, far lower than his last film "War Of The Worlds" and less than "Mission: Impossible II." (Women in particular were always a strength of Cruise and seemed less interested in this film.) Pundits will immediately scream that America has rejected Cruise because of his crazy antics. America think he's "weird." Actually, America thinks ALL Hollywood stars are weird but they go to their movies anyway. Remember one thing: in general, sequels make less money. Let's look at the facts. First, "War Of The Worlds" was Cruise's biggest hit worldwide ever. So yes, compare his new movie to his biggest hit ever and it might seem to fall short. Second, "M:I:III" is the second sequel in a franchise and historically sequels tend to drop off from the blockbuster that launched the franchise. (For every exception, there are TEN examples that bear this out.) So it will be quite natural if "M:I:III" makes less than "M:I:I" or "M:I:II" because that's what sequels do: they cost more and make less. Finally, let's wait a week and see if the movie has legs. It got okay reviews (par for the course for this franchise) and the audience I saw it with applauded at the end. If it collapses and makes less than $100 million, okay -- people rejected it. That's not gonna happen. "M:I" opened to $45 mil (sound familiar?) and made $186 mil US. "M:I:II" opened to $57 mil and made $215 in the US. If "M:I:III" makes $120 to $150 mil, that would fit the classic case of a sequel making 60% of the movie that came before it. Plus, Cruise is bigger than ever worldwide and they know and care even less about his private life. It will easily make $300 mil worldwide (not counting another $300 mil for DVD, TV sales, pay-per-view, etc.) and if that's a failure, Cruise and Hollywood will take it every day.

Surfing Thru "United 93"

I wanted to see it. I needed to see it. (For work.) But I kept sort of avoiding it, even though I didn't expect the movie to bother me emotionally beyond whatever the movie itself might achieve. But it did. And it was certainly the quietest New York audience I've been around at a movie theater in a long time, if ever. Not a sound from anyone from beginning to end. Director Paul Greengrass did a terrific job -- no surprise since his "Bloody Sunday" was an exceptional look at the Irish troubles that felt so authentic you wondered if it was a documentary and his "Bourne Supremacy" proved he had a way with action and violence. It was matter of fact, moving and sad. I don't ever need to see "Mission: Impossible" again because it moved me so little. I don't ever want to see "United 93" again because it moved me so much.

Surfing Thru "M:I:III"

It's certainly not a good movie, but I was marginally more entertained by the third "Mission: Impossible" movie than the first two. It actually had a coherent story and a good villain (though Philip Seymour Hoffman was sorely underused). Keri Russell got to see what it would have been like if she had been cast in "Alias" instead of "Felicity." And the IMF team got absurdly more good-looking with the addition of Maggie Q and Jonathan Rhys Myers. When it wasn't sort of fun (the rooftop jumping scene was good) it was enjoyably bad (such as the shot of the IMF team on a speedboat all wearing sunglasses and looking like a Calvin Klein ad). Weak points included an unnecessary flashback to Cruise training Russell and a later image of her appearing onscreen. She seemed more important to Cruise emotionally than his wife, for Pete's sake. Plus, the talented stage actor Billy Crudup remains inert onscreen. (I should apologize to Ron Howard -- he's right about that.) Since Hollywood barely knows how to make summer blockbusters anymore, your lowered expectations will probably be met. Barely.

Weekly World News

Biboy and his son buy the Weekly World News every week -- the kid loves how crazily imaginative the fake stories are and his dad likes how WWN unintentionally teaches critical thinking. Now they've got me addicted to checking out at least the headlines. But since my brother is resting from his surgery, I bought a clutch of magazines -- everything from Tiger Beat (which boasts it has a "slupr-a-licious poster of "High School Musical's" Zac Efron) to Maxim -- to keep him amused. He immediately went for WWN because naturally he wanted to find out the skinnny on the cover story: TITANIC REAPPEARS -- IT NEVER SANK. (Apparently, it's been bobbing up and down from the seabed to the surface off the coast of Newfoundland.) But I couldn't help giggling over this report from "The International Journal of Occupational Singularities" which declared: RESEARCH FINDS MORE THAN 100 BUSINESSES THAT ARE LIKE SHOW BUSINESS.

Surfing Through "Down In The Valley"

This faux Western starring Edward Norton opens today in limited release. Below is the complete text of my initial reaction to the film when I saw it at Cannes last year. I'm actually heading for London Next Friday and then Cannes the following week where I'll be blogging less regularly but more glamorously from the best film festival in the world. Peter sallet -- the composer of the film -- stumbled on my piece and was friendly enough to send along an email thanking me and letting me know about an upcoming album. He's a real talent, as is most everypone connected to this worthy if flawed project. And now, my piece:

Down in the Valley ** ½ -- Can you like a movie that doesn’t work? That’s certainly how I feel about this modern western (of sorts), starring Edward Norton as a drifter/cowboy who shows up in LA and charms the pants of Evan Rachel Wood. Writer/director David Jacobson echoes all sorts of films -- “Midnight Cowboy” and “Taxi Driver” most prominently – and Norton is just terrific as the aw-shucks cowboy that you can’t quite decide if he’s a nutso or for real. Actually, everyone is good, including Rory Culkin as Wood’s timid little brother and David Morse as their quick-tempered dad who hasn’t a clue about how to rein in the stubborn Wood. Much too much plot (Norton’s dad is an Hasidic jew? Oy.) and cut the way too soft ending scene. As for the scene where Norton stands in front of a mirror wearing his holster and gun, talking to himself in tough guy mode: my friend Stephen said it well, “You can’t do that. Robert DeNiro owns the copyright to that and you’re infringing.” Truly, it’s a no-win move, even with someone as talented as Norton. (And sadly, the earlier part of the scene, where he goofs around on his own and has a mock shoot-out with bad guys like an eight year old kid, tells us everything we know and is much better.) Despite it’s flaws, this is a distinctive film and Norton was right to champion it and the director.

John Cage Concert: In Progress

This is the power of the NYTimes. A tribute to John Cage has been going on in a small German town for almost five years. But when the Times puts a story about it on their front page, it gets emailed all over the world and I hear about it on TV and on the radio. The performance of his organ piece -- "As Slow As Possible" -- will last 639 years. (They debated having it last 1000 years, but as one German composer put it, "We have not had good luck with 'a thousand years' in Germany." That's one way of putting it. How great is it that the performance began with a "rest" that lasted 20 months? I know one thing: I'd love to be there for the finale.

Posting In Honor Of John Cage aka 4' 33"

Happy Cinco De Mayo

You know what to expect with "MI:III" -- more of the same, with no serious uptick in quality for a franchise that should be great fun, but isn't. If you liked the first two, have no fear. If you found the first two noisy and empty and sadly lacking in the verve of the series, well that's exactly what you'll find the third time around. Why do we go to a movie we have no expectations will be any better than blah? Everyone I know who has seen it was bored.

Meanwhile, I'm off to Allentown, PA to drive my brother to the doctor for elective surgery. I won't be able to post till this afternoon.

New MTV Show Premieres EVERYWHERE

MTV has a new reality series called "Meet Or Delete" where college students decide whether they want to date someone based on what's on their harddrives. Th debut episode comes out May 10 but it's the number of platforms that caused me to shut down from info overload. Per the Cynopsis newsletter:

The series will roll out on mtvU, mtvU.com, MTV, MTV.com MTV2, broadband channels mtvU Uber and MTV Overdrive, MTV wireless, the MTV Store and even the MTV 44 1/2 HDTV in Times Square. The first episode will premiere on mtvU Uber at mtvU.com on May 10 with subsequent premieres across MTV's global network, including local channels in Europe, Asia-Pacific and Latin America. Five more episodes will follow in the fall. All the local MTV channels outside the U.S. will air another four locally-produced episodes on-air, online and on wireless handsets. On www.meetordelete.com, MTV and mtvU will have 14 regionalized Meet or Delete online hubs as of May 10.

Short of inserting a cable jack into my brain, they seem to have every base covered.

"The Apprentice" Doing Great...In The UK

While the flagship version of "The Apprentice" starring Donald Trump is fading, the UK version is getting bigger and bigger. The season finale on BBC 2 is next week and it's expected to easily dominate its timeslot. The UK answer to Trump is Sir Alan Sugar, a businessman who made his mark in selling cheap electronics and is worth well over $1 billion.

Quote of the Day

And God help me but I can't stop watching the trashy, cheapo reality show "Unan1mous." Not because it's good or entertainingly bad, really. I just can't stop. Richard is literally the most petulant, annoying person around. The truck driver is this rube who is constantly astonished that a group of people who agree to appear on a reality show and are competing for hundreds of thousands of dollars would actually, you know, play the game and lie and cheat to win. And I'm rooting for the gay guy Jameson because gay people always do well on reality shows. And the truck driver, deeply disillusioned by the others and worried his children will think less of him for not brawling with a man who cursed at him, had the quote of the day: "There's so much darkness here I don't think light will ever pierce it."

Original "Star Wars" Coming To DVD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTE: I keep posting this higher because it's such welcome info. This is the best news I've heard in ages. George Lucas has bowed to popular demand and will release the original "Star Wars" trilogy on DVD in their original theatrical version. God knows why Lucas changed his mind -- he insisted he would never, ever do it despite the tremendous demand. In fact, the vitriolic fury that greeted his rewriting of history seemed to make Lucas hunker down even more. He seemed offended people would even ask, much less expect to have the original theatrical versions that broke box office records. But anyway, Lucasfilm still managed to be snarky, saying "See the title crawl to 'Star Wars' before it was known as Episode IV; see the pioneering, if dated, motion-control model work on the attack on the Death Star; groove to Lapti Nek or the Ewok Celebration song like you did when you were a kid; and, yes, see Hans Solo shoot first." Whatever. At least we'll have the movies in September. Lucas can release a ten hour version of the first "Star Wars" movie for all I care. (Heck, I'll line up to see it.) But the original theatrical version should ALWAYS be available.

Southern Fried Art Heist

Biboy pointed me to this article. And it's a doozy. Sort of an art heist, it's about a guy who drove off with his delivery of millions of dollars worth of art -- but used the company credit card so they could track him easily and didn't even dismantle the truck's GPS system. It's the details that make this so amusing: the guy was found in a trailer park at the home of his "baby's momma's sister," police say he has "several wives and girlfriends," and for those biblically inclined the trailer was located at Lot 40. And make sure you read to the end. That's where you'll find the state-licensed psychic who lives next door but didn't have a clue anything was going on.

Did "Lost" Off Two Stars For Drunk Driving?

The producers say no and even tried a preemptive strike against what they assured were inaccurate assumptions. A few thoughts. Did they rip up the storyline of such a complicated series and write out to characters simply because they disapproved of drunk driving? No, of course not. But Michelle Rodriguez has been the target of intense criticism since her character was introduced. (In perhaps the weakest flashback of all, she was a cop who refused to testify against a criminal that assaulted her and then turned around and murdered him in cold blood when he was released. Her mom, of course, was the chief of police.) And Hurley's girlfriend (who may not even be dead) was pretty damn weak as an actress too. Both of them had separate drunk driving arrests on the same night. Poorly fleshed out characters that the fans hated and actresses that were more troouble than they were worth. In TV Guide this week, Rodriguez's lawyer says she took the brief jail time over community service so she could get right back to work -- which hardly makes sense when her work was over. And in the CNN story, the producers don't simply say this was the storyline they were following all along. They say that when Rodriguez came on board she told them she was a "free spirit." That implies it was her decision to leave a hit series she'd just joined. And that doesn't wash at all.

"The Sopranos" Becomes A Video Game This Fall

Hey, it can't be worse than the new season. Maybe if it's a video game we can speed up the action and not waste our time watching closeted gay mafia guys go antiquing. Do you think the Tony Soprano character can gain points by having a "win" with his therapist? Or just by offing her?

Iconic TV Series "The Prisoner" To Be Remade In UK

This is truly a bizarre idea: a six-part remake of the baffling, confusing, cult classic "The Prisoner" for Sky One in the UK. Though the article all but says Christopher Eccleston (most recently involved in "Doctor Who") will star, it turns out he's just been sniffing about. At first blush, it's a terrible idea; remaking "The Prisoner" is like remaking "Twin Peaks" -- these are unique, of their times series that can't be duplicated the way, say, "Peter Gunn" or "Kojak" can. And how did they ever get the rights from Patrick McGoohan, the creator and star?

Billboard Charts: Bad Day For Daniel Powter

Powter's reign on top of the Hot 100 with the unofficial theme song to "American Idol" gets booted by Rihanna's single "SOS," which jumps from #34 all the way to #1 (thanks to the single being made available digitally). And Nick Lachey may have been annoyed by being lied to by Rolling Stone, but his tattooed cover appearance on US Weekly certainly hasn't hurt sales: Lachey's debut single "What's Left Of Me" leaps from #33 to #6. Here are the top albums. And here's the Top Ten:

1. Rihanna -- SOS
2. Daniel Powter -- Bad Day
3. Sean Paul -- Temperature
4. Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone -- Ridin'
5. T.I. -- What You Know
6. Nick Lachey -- What's Left Of Me
7. Bubba Sparxx featuring Ying Yang Twins and Mr. Collipark -- Ms. New Booty
8. Natasha Bedingfield -- Unwritten
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers -- Dani California
10. James Blunt -- You're Beautiful

Authors Who Sued "Da Vinci Code" Face Huge Legal Bills

The two authors who sued Dan Brown's publisher Random House for plagiarism in the UK now face massive legal bills. They have to pay 85% of Random House's legal bill, plus all of their own lawyers' legal bills. It will total at least 2 million pounds. Since their case was extremely weak on several fronts, they must really be regretting their action. Having to pay the other side's legal bills is one of the many clever quirks in the UK. Their newspapers and magazines are much more carefree with rumors and gossip and half-truths that an American newspaper would never run with. Basically, the standards for proving libel are lower in the UK (that's why the authors filed the suit in that country) but if you LOSE a case you have to pay much of your opponents' legal fees. The result is a carefree press and fewer frivolous lawsuits.

Overnight TV Ratings -- "Idol" Paris-less But Still Strong

"American Idol" pulled in 28.5 milllion viewers, with the sleazily enjoyable "Unan1mous" dropping by 50%. (It won't be back.) The second half of the "House" two-parter did well for the timeslot but lower than the show normall draws, reaching 16.7 million. "One Tree Hill" probably said goodbye and "Alias" is limping to its finale, ranking #5 in the coveted 18-49 category it used to dominate. "Lost" held its own opposite "Idol," finding 15 million viewers (and more once "Idol" was over, so they saw Michael gun down two fellow Islanders). Remember kids, don't drink and drive if you want a job on "Lost." Meanwhile, "Law & Order" is much reduced, despite being hastily put back in its old slot. It only drew 10 million viewers last night, a far cry from its heyday.

"American Idol" Paris Press Conference

Sat in on the weekly press conference call with the "Idol" booted off. Some highlights:

Paris is definitely ready to record an album. Simon Cowell's label has the right of first refusal of course, but usually only uses the top two people. When she's done touring with the Idols, she'll go right back out on the road to tour again. Any hopes that Paris would go back to school and maybe gig with a jazz band and put in the work for the next five or ten years before rushing out an album...well, no luck.

Paris is done with school. She said she'd be willing to go to an online college. They certainly exist but since that is the highest she's willing to shoot, clearly school is not a priority. Paris wants to sing.

Paris won't pick the person she thinks is likely to win. (None of the people booted off do.) But she says confusingly that, "Whoever wins, I'm rooting for them."

Paris won't confirm that Beyonce's dad approached her about recording music. "It can't be confirmed" but she would love to work with Matthew Beyonce and looks forward to it. I'll take that as a yes.

Paris believes in a number of things: lots of vitamins, confidence in yourself and prayer.

Paris confirms that the Idols have a Last Supper every Wednesday night where they all go out together after the show.

Vatican Urges Catholics To Boycott "Da Vinci Code"

Oops, does that mean I should stop reading the books? The call for Catholics to avoid the movie was made by Archbishop Angelo Amato in the Office of the Grand Inquisitor. Yeah, yeah, they've changed the name of the office to teh Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith. But you know they wish they could have kept the cooler, more forbidding name, just like they wish they could ban movies outright for the faithful rather than "requesting" people not to see it. Meanwhile, Catholic bishops in Germany are desperately trying to stop its local MTV channel from airing "Popetown," an animated series commissioned by the BBC in 2002 that never aired.

Surfing Through "American Idol"

Well, apparently we WON'T always have Paris. She rather predictably got booted off last night. (Paris has been in the bottom two a couple of times and she's always at or near the bottom in polls.) This is the best thing for her as an artist. She can woodshed herself and get a lot more experience before rushing into recordings (hopefully, an album of standards). Katharine rightly looked surprised when Elliott was in the bottom two with Paris rather than herself. But I'd expect Elliott to go next week, Katharine the week after and Chris and Taylor in the finale with Chris winning.

Surfing Through "Lost"

SPOILERS FROM LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE: And creatively, "Lost" may have just gone off the rails as well. I know the finale when Michael suddenly killed two characters and wounded himself to give one of the Others a chance to escape was supposed to make us gasp in shock and excitement. But it was easy to spot a mile away. (Michael's been away for a week; how did he suddenly get back? And if he just spied on the Others and didn't get caught, why was he half dead and gone for so long? Etc.) And frankly, my initial reaction was Damn, you better not drink and drive if you're on the cast of "Lost." The two women killed were played by actresses who probably proved to be more of a pain than they were worth, what with headlines and Michelle Rodriguez going to jail for a week. I've been bored for a while, there are so many weeks of reruns that I forget what's been happening and now the big plot twist is just eye-rolling. I'm sure I'll keep watching, but it's suddenly become a duty rather than treat. PS -- Oh and the stupidest plot twist of all them expecting us to believe Sawyer and Ana Lucia slept together and he didn't notice she'd taken his gun? Give me a break.