"The Shining" Spoof On YouTube

Priv8Pete sent me to this amusing fake movie trailer. It turns frightfest "The Shining" into a feel-good heart-warming tale of a failed writer who adopts a little boy and finds his inner child, etc., etc. The perfect final touch: using Peter Gabriel's "Solisbury Hill."

Hollywood Announces EVERY Comic Book Character That Has Ever Existed Will Get Their Own Movie

Not really. But it sure seems like that, what with Warner Bros. announcing they'll be making Doom into a movie. (Of course, the flurry of announcements comes because they're holding Comic Con in San Diego.) Still, I can't help imagining that Space Ghost is at home wondering why he jumped at the talk show and didn't hold out for more. And Captain Marvel (of Shazam! fame) and Isis sit by the phone and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait.

Tom Hanks On A Road Trip To Ballparks

Tom Hanks once told me in an interview that one of the few bummers about being famous was that he couldn't go to baseball games regularly unless he sat in a skybox, which is no fun at all. If he was down near the field, people would line up from the beginning of the game until the end to get a ticket and mde it impossible for him (and the people around him) to enjoy the game. He quickly added it was a small price to pay for fabulous wealth and an amazing life, etc., etc., but a bummer nonetheless. This was at the height of his Oscar glory. He's still a huge star, of course, but somehow Hank's wangled out a way to take a mini-tour of five or six ballparks, sometimes with Dennis Miller and Ron Howard in tow. Maybe he has to stay in the skybox eventually, but it would be nice to think people would let this one-time hot dog seller enjoy a game without bugging him.

"Spring Awakening" Will Move To Broadway

The acclaimed Off Broadway musical "Spring Awakening" -- with music by Duncan Sheik (the rock star with the porn star name) -- will be moving to Broadway sometime in the future. The show closes Aug 5 so get to it if you can. You'll just be paying more money to see the same great musical in a much larger house.

Actor Haley Joel Osment In Car Crash

Insert your cruel "I see dead people" joke here. (Osment is hospitalized but was reportedly conscious and speaking at the scene of the accident so hopefully isn't badly hurt.)

ABC's "The One" Is Actually The Eighth

Last night I taped ABC's debut of the "American Idol" wannabe reality show "The One: In Search Of A Pop Star" on my DVR. Then for some reason when I got home, I looked at the list of shows and just erased that one out of hand. I couldn't be bothered. Apparently I wasn't the only person. "The One" set all sorts of unwanted records: it ranked eighth in its timeslot, it was the lowest rated debut for a reality show in ANY major network's history and it was the lowest rated show of any kind in ABC's history. (Only Nathan Lane's dismal sitcom "Charlie Lawrence" had a lower rating in the key 18-49 category.)

Cape Playhouse Has A Winning "Guys And Dolls"

My friend Evans Haile is the artistic director of Cape Playhouse, a venerable institution that stages summer shows with big-name Broadway and mvie stars. His new production "Guys and Dolls" just got a positive review from Variety, which should pay more attention to the shrinking chain of regional theaters that stage therse revivals and let actors stretch their taletnts. Up next at Cape Playhouse: the terrific, terribly funny play "The Beard of Avon" which should ahve transferred to Broadway and had a much longer life than it did.

The Billboard Charts

The Hot 100 is fairly quiet this week. Nelly Furtado is still at #1. John Mayer debuts at #25 with his new single -- I have to admit, I've gorwn to like the guy since his bluesy power trio album. And Nick Lachey's break-up song "What's Left Of Me" has failed to crack the top 20, peaking at #21. On the other hand, Jessica Simpson's break-up song "A Public Affair" has peaked at #38, so I'd call that one win for the guys. I would LOVE it if they got back together (via an MTV reality show of course, complete with courting and a season finale re-marriage) and we suddenly realized it was all a publicity stunt.

And here are the Top 10 CDs:

1. Various Artists -- Now 22
2. Thom Yorke -- Eraser
3. Pimp C -- Pimpalation (His momma must be so proud)
4. Nelly Furtado -- Loose
5. Gnarls Barkley -- St. Elsewhere
6. Johnny Cash: American V -- A Hundred Highways
7. Soundtrack -- High School Musical
8. Rascal Flatts -- Me and My Gang
9. Muse -- Black Holes and Revelations
10. Rihanna -- A Girl Like Me

Transamerica Thinks A Broadway Flop Is A Good Investment

Seriously, Transamerica executives say they don't mind the fact that their $8 million Broadway musical "Hot Feet" closed after three months of half-empty houses. Hey, it's branding, they say. Do you really want to work with an investment company that thinks Broadway flops are a good idea? The company also sunk money into the already running "Brooklyn: The Musical" (and if you'd seen "Brooklyn: The Musical" you'd know what an insanely idiotic investment THAT was). And the last time Transamerica was involved in entertainment, it made the historic flop movie "Heaven's Gate" and then decided maybe they should sell United Artists. But what am I doing? Hey, Transamerica, how'd you like to get some great branding and jump into the exciting world of online blogging? I don't curse and all I'm taking a stance on are movies and TV and music so no one could get offended. For $100,000 a year, you can be the sole advertiser on Popsurfing and reap the rewards of the Internet. Call me. We'll do lunch.

Disney Makes Employees Walk The Plank

Don't think this has anything to do with Hollywood being in a slump. Every studio gets top-heavy and could use a good purge once in a while. So Disney firing 650 staffers is simply a good idea, regardless of how many movies they release or this year's box office in-take. Originally, I misread the number of movies Disney would be releasing under their new plans. They'll be shrinking from 18 to about 12 (as Priv8Pete gently pointed out to me). That's certainly not as dramatic as the anemic 8 I'd thought they were shooting for. But cutting your at-bats by 50% is not a terribly smart idea. And even if they've lowered their behind-the-scenes cost by cutting all those employees, the back office is already paid for whether you release 12 movies or 18. And 18 is by no means an exorbitant number of films to release. Finally, downgrading the movies put out under the Touchstone banner is meaningless since movies that would fall under the Touchstone purview (ie movies for grownups) are exactly the sort of movies that would gain nothing by being branded as "Disney." So all they're really doing is planning to make only family movies, which is an awfully limiting attitude to take. Wait till they have three bombs in a row -- suddenly 12 movies will seem a paltry number. And wait till they see how every other studio releases animated movies and family pictures as well -- thus diluting their brand.

"Hulk" and "Deadman" Live On Silver Screen

"The Hulk" is getting resurrected for the big screen, despite the disappointment of the Ang Lee version -- which unexpectedly got the special effects right but fell short on the human drama. Even relatively obscure superhero Deadman -- given his powers by a Hindu god -- is on his way to Hollywood. Meanwhile, the Wonder Twins sit at home by the phone and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait.

National Enquirer Lies! Stop The Presses!

Is the tide turning against gossip rags? Why don't celebrities always sue when they know it's all utter lies? They can certainly afford it and soon the Enquirer and its ilk couldn't afford to print the lies.Kate Hudson just won a libel suit against the National Enquirer in the UK for claiming she was anorexic and her mom had done an intervention. (It didn't help that the Enquirer had run glossy photos of Hudson around the same time saying she looked terrific.) More importantly, Hudson is suing other publications that jumped on the story and reprinted the lies -- it would be great if the media realized just because one rag printed a story didn't mean it was fair game to go crazy with -- especially when that outlet is a gossip rag. The Enquirer UK also had to apologize to Britney Spears for claiming her marriage was over. Obviously, that's her job.

US Senate Attacks Fake Sex Scenes In Movies

The US Senate brilliantly attacked the non-existent problem of fake sex scenes in Hollywood movies via an anti-kiddie porn bill. What do Hollywood movies and kiddie porn have in common? Nothing. The adult film industry has a long-standing legal obligation to get documentation that all their participants in sex scenes (which, of course, are real)are at least 18 years of age. The porn film companies must also keep those records on file and state on every DVD who has the files and and at what address. All well and good, since obviously porn movies feature people having actual sex and the adult film industry has been rocked by scandals in which under-age actors performed.

But in the midst of the bill, suddenly the Senate is now demanding that Hollywood keep records of every actor's age who appears in a fake sex scene on movies or TV. Why? No reason. Is there a problem of Hollywood using under-age actors to simulate sex in an attempt to appeal to kiddie porn users? No. Has there been at least a symbolic problem of one infamous case of an underage actor faking sex when the studios assumed they were 18? No. In fact, what is the number of complaints by the public or criminal indictments or perhaps threat of indictments or even accusations of being taken advantage of by an underage actor in a simulated fake not-actually-real sex scene? None. Zero. Zip. So now the US Senate hopes to add massive, wasteful and cumbersome paperwork to an industry (entertainment) that is our second biggest export after the arms industry and that has had zero problems with kiddie porn. Hollywood got the bil massively watered down but is still afraid to oppose it because then of course they would be supporting kiddie porn. Ridiculous.

Jellyfish Attack Japanese Nuclear Power Plant

If a new "Godzilla" movie were coming out, I'd swear it was a publicity stunt. What's next? Mothra causing delays at the airport?

Movie Sequels: "Crouching Tiger," "Aging 'Tracy'"

Sony and the Weinsteins are battling over who has the rights to prequels and sequels to the brilliant "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." The family of the late author is siding with the Weinsteins and claiming they were duped by Sony when making the original deal. Since Sony Pictures Classics actually made and released the film, I tend to think they're the ones who have the rights to it -- nobody in Hollywood makes a movie like this without SOME reference to sequel rights. Director Ang Lee once spoke about making two prequels back to back with CTHD becoming the finale in a trilogy. He needs to jump on that fast if he wants to make it a reality since Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat ain't getting any younger. Half of me is dying to see it; half of me doesn't want them to mess with one of my favorite movies of all time. Meanwhile, the Weinsteins think they have the rights to make a stage version of the show!

Then there's Warren Beatty, who surely WAS smart enough to make certain he had sequel rights to "Dick Tracy." Go Warren, as long as you don't try to play Tracy yourself. It's been 15 years since the last one, fella. Now who should play the detective in a new version?

Internet Buzz Comes To New TV Shows

Everyone knows how the Internet and websites like Ain't It Cool News changed movie coverage. No longer could studios hold out-of-town screenings and hope to keep the news to themselves. As soon as a movie is shown almost anywhere in the country, word leaks out onto the net about the plot, the special effects, what the audience thought, etc. And now that same early warning system has locked onto the fall TV shows, with Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60" being praised and villified based on early script drafts, a few dodgy minutes shown to advertisers and rough cuts of the show. All of it happening months before the show is actually put on the air. Whether for good or ill, it's the new reality.

The Scissor Sisters Want You

Are you a fan of the Scissor Sisters? Their new album comes out in September and on Halloween they'll be holding a special concert somewhere in the world. Go here to win free tickets, airline travel and accomodations to the show which might take place in...Paris or Transylvania or Ibiza or who knows?

PLEASE Watch Our TV Shows

The major networks have woken up to the fact that they need to do anything and everything to get people to watch their new TV shows. Suddenly, YouTube is their best friend. And now NBC is smartly making certain fall TV pilots available in advance via Netflix. Clever.

Movie Downloads Starting To Make Sense

Movie studios are finally starting to realize that if they want people to buy their movies, they need to make it as easy as possible. With movie downloads, they're FINALLY agreeing people can burn the movie onto a disc that will play on any DVD player they want. (In the past, studios expected people to only watch downloaded movies on their computer.) Also, the talks with iTunes are proceeding apace and should mean movies become a big part of their menu soon.

Predicting The Future For "Gilmore Girls" and "Veronica Mars"

The NY Daily News wonders what the future will be for these two acclaimed shows. Uh, that's an easy one: "Veronica Mars" will be lucky to get a full season order but definitely will be cancelled one way or the other. "Gilmore Girls" will have a creative resurgence (not to hard given how stupid the plot lines had become) and convince the two lead gals to hang around for another year. That and the fact that it's practically the CW's top-rated show and they'll throw a lot of money at the lucky ladies.

Producers Are Shocked, Shocked That Jerry Springer Is Rude

The UK distributor of the "Jerry Springer Show" since 1998 insists that it became too controversial and its very nature changed by the time they dumped it in 2002. A judge is now going to sit down and watch batches of episodes to see if the show's character has essentially changed in those years. I love the idea of a judge watching the show and taking notes about thrown chairs, fistsights and number of bleeped curse words. I'd bet good money the distributors lose. Who are they kidding?

"The Spirit" Comes To The Big Screen

A loooooooooong overdue adaptation brings the seminal comic strip "The Spirit" to the big screen. It's the landmark work by the landmark artist Will Eisner and it will be directed by comix legend Frank Miller. That's like having John Updike editing John Irving or Bruce Springsteen producing Bob Dylan -- a real meeting of legends. Meanwhile, with virtually every other comic book already turned into a film, Shazam and Isis sit by the phone waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting.

Zach Braff Is The Music Man

I'm impressed -- not to mention a little surprised - at how much mojo actor-director Zach Braff got out of "Garden State." Paul Simon announced in concert a few days ago that seeing his song "The Only Living Boy In New York" showcased in that movie made him fall in love with the song again and start including it in his set list for the first time in years. Of course, that movie's soundtrack also helped to turn The Shins into a potential breakout act. And now Billboard runs a feature story as soon as Braff announces the track listing for the soundtrack to his new movie "The Last Kiss." Ray Lamontagne and Amos Lee could certainly use the boost and people will probably fall in love with Rufus Wainwright's "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk." The tracks:

"Chocolate," Snow Patrol
"Star Mile," Joshua Radin
"Pain Killer," Turin Brakes
"Warning Sign," Coldplay
"Ride," Cary Brothers
"El Salvador," Athlete
"Hide and Seek," Imogen Heap
"Reason Why," Rachael Yamagata
"Hold You in My Arms," Ray Lamontagne
"Prophecy," Remy Zero
"Paper Bag," Fiona Apple
"Today's the Day," Aimee Mann
"Arms of a Woman," Amos Lee
"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk (Reprise)," Rufus Wainwright
"Paperweight," Schuyler Fisk and Joshua Radin

Shyamalan Facing Career-Ending Weekend!

Not really. More soul-searching from director M. Night Shyamalan, this time in USA Today. Am I a jerk? Have my tastes become too refined? Should I just make movies for the Denny's crowd? Even when he's trying to be humble he comes across as obnoxious. But who cares? Yet nothing -- as far as his long-term career -- is riding on this movie's opening. "Lady in the Water" will be a flop -- and Shyamalan will make more movies. Guaranteed.

Woody Allen Changes Title Card Sequence In New Movie; End Of The World Expected By Cineastes and The French

No matter how bad a Woody Allen movie gets ("Curse of the Jade Scorpion" anyone?), film buffs can take sweet comfort in one element -- every Woody Allen movie begins simply and beautifully with a title card (in the same font he's always used) followed by the briefest of brief listing on one screen of the entire cast and their characters in alphabetical order. Then the movie begins. It is in many ways bliss and just the sort of touchstone that would warm the heart of the coldest critics. And now it's gone. For no discernible reason whatsoever, the new Woody Allen movie "Scoop" does NOT include the cast listed in alphabetical order at the beginning of the movie. It is mixed in with the credits at the END of the movie. This is Allen's fifth decade of making movies. What in heaven's name would prompt him to switch such a simple, pleasing and reassuring tradition? The movie, by the way, is a step back down after the unexpected pretty darn good status of "Match Point." It's a flimsy comedy and while not unbearable, it is by no means good. But who cares? Why oh why did Woody change the way his movies begin? P.S. Maybe things will change before it hits theaters. Maybe I missed the usual routine at the beginning (but I highly doubt it) and they just included the names in the end credits as well. But it sure seemed like a seismic shift to me.

Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs In Concert

Had a delightful time last night at the Bowery Ballroom. Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles were promoting their super-fun duets album "Under The Covers," which has them performing classic and obscure Sixties pop songs. A decent crowd but not too full, a relaxed show (Hoffs apologized for forgetting the lyrics to one song, saying they'd only had one day to rehearse this first show) and a GREAT lead guitarist. High point: in the sweltering heat, I turned to my friend and said, "I wish they'd play some songs with water in them" and the band immediately launched into the Beatles' "Rain." Low Point: when two guys in the audience were wondering who that song was by, someone told them the Beatles. But was it written by George Harrison? "Yes!" I said definitively and with great assurance. They just KNEW I was right. I was wrong. Despite its Middle eastern drone sound, it's credited to Lennon/McCartney and I assume is mostly Lennon given its structure. One schmuck in the audience kept shouting out "BBC!" "BBC!" I had no idea why. (It's certainly not a song on the album.) Then out of nowhere Mike Myers of SNL comes on stage, drink in hand and duets with them on some obscure pop-punk nugget with a chorus that goes "BBC 1! BBC 2! BBC 3! BBC 4! BBC 5! BBC 6! BBC 7! BBC Heaven!" Who knew?

Critics And Moviegoers Don't Always Agree! Stop The Presses!

Even more shocking is that the New York Times' AO Scott writes a lengthy column about this tired age-old debate (why do critics sometimes trash movies that people flock to see?) and manages to say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NEW. He also manages to say nothing old with the same indifference. His ridiculous conclusion:

But the deeper answer is that our love of movies is sometimes expressed as a mistrust of the people who make and sell them, and even of the people who see them. We take entertainment very seriously, which is to say that we don’t go to the movies for fun. Or for money. We do it for you.

Huh? Who ndoes he mistrust? And why? If he doesn't go to the movies to have fun, he should stop reviewing them. Now. Sometimes people flock to see crap. Sometimes critics champion a film that no one goes to see. So what? And trust me, if any Joe Schmoe moviegoer had to sit through the three or four major studio releases that came out EVERY WEEK for months on end, trust me, in six month's time they would be just as hard-nosed as the most bitter movie critic.

Mercury Prize Short List Announced

The UK Mercury Prize is a really good spin on the Grammys. A panel of musicians and experts get together, cull a short list of albums they love and then pick a winner. It brings attention to all sorts of acts, sells records and is generally an all-around good thing. (US labels have taken a stab at doing the same thing, but it hasn't caught on yet as well as the UK version.) Here are this year's nominees:

Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - Ballad Of The Broken Seas
Editors - The Back Room
Guillemots - Through The Windowpane
Richard Hawley - Coles Corner
Hot Chip - The Warning
Muse - Black Holes And Revelations
Zoe Rahman - Melting Pot
Lou Rhodes - Beloved One
Scritti Politti - White Bread, Black Beer
Sway - This Is My Demo
Thom Yorke - The Eraser

Descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene Speaks Out

Naturally, given her august lineage, she writes thrillers. I don't know what's sillier: this author's claim that she is a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene being used as a marketing hook for her thrillers, her publisher's willingness to use it or publications like USA Today repeating them despite the fact that the woman doesn't even TRY to back up her claim. Of course it would be impossible for her to PROVE what she says, but I would at least expect the woman to produce some tattered family document or maybe a family Bible with a geneology tree in it or SOMETHING. At least her statements are more entertaining (I assume) than her book could possible be: 1. "Everyone's going to think I'm on The Da Vinci Code bandwagon, but I'm not," says McGowan. 2. 'Trish Todd, editor in chief at Touchstone, a division of Simon & Schuster says she has no problem believing McGowan's claim that she descends from a marriage between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. "Yes, I believe her. Her passion and her mission are so strong, how can she not be?"' Oh well, then. 3. Though McGowan says she is descended from Jesus and Mary Magdalene, she won't say whether she, like the fictional Maureen, is "The Expected One." "I'm not grandiose about this, and it concerns me a lot that I could be portrayed that way," McGowan says. "I don't want it to appear that I'm standing up and saying I'm the expected one. That's a dangerous, ego-driven kind of thing." Thank goodness for that.

"Idol" Winners Face Off In Record Stores

When "Pop Idol" -- the original "American Idol" in the UK -- let the runner-up release his single a week or two after the winner, everyone complained it was a rude slap in the face to the guy who actually won the competition, Will Young. But with more and more Idol runners-up putting out albums, trying to space out their releases became impossible. (The one absolute is that no one can put out an album before the winner.) Besides, when runner-up Clay Aiken trounced Ruben in record sales, the lable realized fans would keep voting -- this time with their credit cards. So it's no surprise that November 14 will be the release date for Idol winner Taylor Hicks AND runner-up Katharine McPhee AND dumb blonde Kellie Pickler. (The one album that might actually be good -- Chris Daughtry's -- will come out at the end of the year, but no release date has been set yet. Meanwhile, Mario Vasquez saw his first single flop and his album has been pushed back to September 12 instead of the summer. Elliot is still waiting for a record deal and Paris Bennett surely will get one but nothing has been announced yet.